Ode to Lenin

After just 5 days in St Petersburg we were Russian pros. We have compiled a list of dos and don'ts when travelling in this strange land.

Don't:

Wear appropriate travel footwear. It is totally inappropriate to walk comfortably

Do:

Pose foolishly and for a very long time on/with every statue, tree, flower, bush, palace, fountian and other objects you find

Don't

Smile in photos. Men, you want to look tough (It helps if you cross your arms). Women, you want to pout,and look seductively down the lens as if this is your one and only chance to get on the cover of Cosmo.

Do

push to the head of the queue. The long line is a suggestion only, and you're far too important to have to wait. When ordering your tickets/ food feel free to take as long as humanly possible.

Don't

leave home without your entourage. This could be either your mother or your boyfriend - it doesn't really matter as long as they can carry your handbag and take a good picture of you.

Do

Supersize every building and conviently not tell ntourists the scale of the map to which they are walking. Far more fun if they decide the mile-long blocks are easily walked and get there half dead.

Don't

Accept notes of 500 or 1000 roubles. Just because they are legal tender dispersed from all atms doesn't mean they need to be accepted at any counter. No change at all is needed - coins? Never keep them in stock!

Bascially armed with our expert travel knowledge we navigated the metro system further than we had ever done so before - and we did so without any upopened drinks because we didn't need to be fined and forced to sign our name to a cryillic message we didn't understand for something so trivial. We reached the monument to the Heroic Defenders of Leningrad, which was Kate's tourist request of the day. We thought it might prove hard to find but of course the buildings are all supersized so the monument had to be as well. This just wasn't another ordinary roundabout, Mulitply the usual size by at least 10 and add a pylon of 4 stories high to the middle of it. Very impressive right?

Sometimes, when ordering off cryllic menus, you can get a pleasant surprise. After the monument we headed for the nearest cafe for our coffee fix. Although we could understand the word for 'Coffee: Latte', we had a choice of three. We picked randomly and managed to score the one with whipped cream. This was the start of a new holiday rule: it totally doesn;t count as calories if we didnt mean to order it.

From here it was a simple matter of catching a minibus to Tsarkaye Selo, the palace of Catherine II. Or it would have been simple had we not bailed off the bus at the wrong stop in a moment of panic ("hang on, everyone one else is getting off, should we get off? alright we're getting off"), meaning we had to catch a public bus to our final destination. This also wasn't as straight-forward as it seemed. We got on the bus ok but had no idea where we were meant to get off. Eventually we worked up the courage to try to communicate with gestures to the ticket lady. The show of concern on her face and speed per arm waving to loud speaking ratio increased so rapidly we decided we had missed the palace and quickly stopped the bus to walk back again. So much hassle just to see gardens that reminded Megan of the queens of hearts from Alice in Wonderland.

They were gorgeous however and gave us plenty more opportunites to practice and increase our repertoire of poses. And when we were done we found fantastic sovenir markets. A few more baboushka dolls latter and a very soviet hat we were on our way home again.

By the time we made it back into St Petersburg we had just enough time to grab a quick Italian meal before it was time to pick up our luggage and meet the rest of the tour for our overnight train to Moscow. This would be our first experience of the Russian railway, and the first leg of our trans-Mongolian journey - and it didn't disapoint. Not only did Megan make an enemy out of the female carriage guard by losing her ticket within minutes of getting on the train, but the taps didn't work in the bathroom, and the quarters (four to a room) were cramped. However we got a free pair of slippers and a free meal, and we were just so excited to be on a Russian train (and on our way to Moscow) that we enjoyed every minute of it.